Late Autumn

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The trees were long fed up with their color and the last leaf was falling to the ground. She was also fed up with her loneliness. But what she was afraid of happened exactly. She left alone, and in the way she always feared. Even worse, the people who came late to help were the people who wanted her dead and did not care about respecting her wishes.

A decade ago, her mother had been filling her life. She had dedicated most of her time to taking care of her. Even though she had had some occasional fights with her and despite that some days she did not feel like looking after her, taking care of her mother had been all she knew how to do. But since the mother passed on, she became lonely. She clung to any chance of companionship with anybody. She always thought of us as the sons that she never had, but we were all oceans away.

Sadly, she was also socially-handicapped. She did not know how to say things and when to say them. So, she ended up hurting many people who felt her loneliness and were trying to be there for her. She burned all her bridges with people but not deliberately. People did not know when she was saying something foolish that this was the way she said things. Only few of her close relatives understood and kept checking on her every once in a while. But even those close relative did not tolerate staying with her more than half an hour at the most. The conversation used to be so illogical that they had to really not listen to what she was saying.

Unlike her sister, she did not believe in doctors and had never gotten her self routinely checked out unless it was an emergency. She was superstitious. She thought that by going to the doctor she will be found to have things that she really did not want to hear about. It was enough that both of her sisters had breast cancer. She also witnessed her aging mother getting a hip fracture surgery after she fell and was never able to walk again. So needless to say she did not trust doctors.

Her superstition extended beyond life. She rarely wanted death to be mentioned. She rarely stated how she wanted her properties distributed and it was usually an unreasonable approach. I have heard that she told her brother how she wanted to be buried. But because of her superstition, she never planned anything and nothing was documented. She had no will, no friends, and no help. The people who cared enough about her were far away.

As I was standing by this naked tree and the last leaf was falling to the ground, I discovered that I have a new voicemail on my mobile phone. A disturbed voice on the other side was telling me that she has passed away. Many scenes from the past were flashing in front of my eyes. The more I saw the more questions I had. The more answers I got the more I wished I did not know.

1/2/10

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